March 2018 in Movies

"Death Wish"
Bruce Willis does a remake of a movie that defined the vigilante franchise, about a decade or so too late.  It's not that he's bad as Death Wish, who is out to kill those who have murdered his wife, but he's terrible at convincing you he's not a Doctor Strange rip off as his alter ego. Without the magic though, he's not Strange, just strange. He's not supposed to be likeable. The movie is not all that good. Sure it has some kills, but video games are more violent. (Double feature special with Red Sparrow).

"Red Sparrow"
After the slog of sitting through Death Wish, it was a nice surprise to sit through a hilarious dark comedy about Russian spies played by a campy set of supporting actors, and Jen Lawrence in the lead had such a funny accent! The problem was, none of this was a comedy. It didn't intend to be. This girl witnesses a murder and is drafted into a super secret spy agency by her spy uncle, but it turns out the school is also 'whore school' for the depraved schoolmaster lady, and there she learns to exploit her talents, ahem, but drops out. Then she becomes a super agent anyway and goes on a mission, where she has unconvincing relations with an American double agent who looks like a guy from another film, but wasn't him. Despite the alleged 'agent female empowerment' scene where she stops the creeper guy, it is not, it is exploitation because she is told to do it. Yet another movie where the only nude scene is so dreary and yucky you want to shower after seeing it. How is that fun? But it is a fake Russian movie. Actually, it is a rip off of Atomic Blonde, a much better movie, with a better nude scene, also dreary though, but there Theron is taking a bath, so it is empowering. Ha.
(Double feature special with Death Wish).


"A Wrinkle In Time"
This fantasy film remake of a film and TV film from decades back is an odd duck of a movie. It tries so hard to be racially neutral and girl power edgy at the same time it misses the point of being fun. Oprah chews scenery as a space goddess, but sure, she thinks she is anyway. The odd casting of Chris Pine as the missing Dad is confusing, more so than the casting of the lead, who is forgettable in the role. The big name actresses keep stealing all the good lines. It's not her fault. She was good in other movies. The fantasy idea that this little magical girl can somehow make physic work completely differently from how they would is not a problem, as that's in the book, but she also rides a flowing cabbage lady through the sky, and that was when everyone zoned out. The script for this had to be a mess. Meh.

"Tomb Raider"
The remake of Tomb Raider follows more closely the games than the previous films did, with a new person filling in for now too old Jolie, although she was forgettable in the part. The bad guys get more screen time than her, as does her uninteresting partner, a grumpy ship captain. And how did a model Sony camcorder from the late 1990s and battery remain intact and operating for 20 years? That model didn't last an hour without recharging! Even if she plugged it in, and she didn't, it would have a super 8 style micro tape so degraded, it would not be playable. The twist at the end was fun though, as the idea of an ancient queen of death is different. No, it might seem like the ending of that horrid Mummy remake, but it's not.Worth a bargain rental.

"Pacific Rim Uprising"
Alien monsters are back to destroy Earth, and it's up to the Yeager robots to destroy them. No, it's not Transformers, but something else, a title with a brunt of butt jokes, Pacific Rim! Del Toro did not want to touch another Pacific Rim movie, giving it to another director, and the guy made the Star Wars dude the hero, as the son of the hero from the last one. So it is basically a high concept Robot Jox 2. It is also unfortunately too much like a Transformers clone, while trying to be a Robotech clone with 'edgy talking space marines' and stuff. It's not terrible. It has some moments. The villain is an insane type Robotech stock villain, and comes off as a parody of them, but also of Dr. Hyde from that Mummy movie.

"Ready Player One"
Forty years in the future, everyone plays a pedantic quest video game modeled after a rich game master's 1980s obsessions, and to win it, a kid from the 'stacks' of this crowded city must go into the internet to play it, over and over. Based on a book that Marx Cards loved, the film is well, a version of it. At times, the story drips nostalgia, with a cowboy Iron Giant, and Akira bike, and even a Back to the Future/Knight Rider kit bash car, but at other times it misses the mark. The book had a Voltron. The movie has a lesser known Gundam. The Iron Giant uses guns (when he should be a pacifist). The movie has no sign of Transformers, anywhere. (They do include the space battleship Yamato aka the Argo though in a brief clip, misquote online as an SDF One from Robotech, but it's the Yamato, as it has one central wave cannon, not two). Going really fast backward would have occurred to 'every gamer in the game'! Th clues were not similar to those in the book. This didn't make it bad, but different. The average looking gamer girl of the book is replaced by a smoking hot girl in the movie who has an anime style birthmark. The eventual conclusion is reached weirdly. The movie is not bad, but not great. It's like a well done bootleg game with cheat codes, and nothing like Pixels.