Star Wars: Episode I The Phantom Menace
PG
After 18 years, George Lucas finally
brings out another Star Wars, only to make it an overblown and often boring
political sequel, with nice FX but little else, not interesting dialogue, and
really horrid acting. "Meesah Jar Jar Binks!". Apparently it's about
30 years BEFORE Luke and Lieah and the evil Sith Lord, who every knows is
Palpatane, is plotting with the Trade Federation, (racist sounding aliens), to
overtrow Naboo, a pristine planet. Naboo has a queen, Amidala, (which sounds
like a medication), and a guard, Panaka, (who sounds like a breath mint brand),
and some Jedis, Obi Wan and Kwai Gon, (kinda like Calgone for your toilet). The
Jedis befriend Jar Jar Binks, a local simpleton, who joins them on a quest to
planet Tattoo, er Tatooine, to find a boy slave. The master is a Nubian, (as
apparently Lucas doesn't know it’s a race in a country). Aanacin, er Anakin,
who hold the most medichlorines of anyone ever. Whatever a Medichlornie is. The
boy then races a pod ship thing really fast and later blows up a giant station
thing because he has powers! Yipeee! "I'll roll, that's a good trick."
Then the Jedis fight this double saber dude called Daarth Maul, like a red
faced pitbull. Cool look but no substance. That said, the movie had a cool look
but no substance either. Watch at your own peril, young padawan! Review by Adam Browne
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